THE CRAP MUSEUM



As well as making quality game projects, useful utilities, demos and music, etc. I also had this silly urge in the past & present to make something to kill boredom. Things of not so good quality, but was built for my own amusement. No matter how good or crap it is, the fake stuff is there to really tickle your ribs. These include past time crap game compo entries, including stuff written using assorted games making tools Just for fun of course. And yes..... it is that bad!



 . All images are zipped .D64 images, and run on CCS64 or WinVice.

To be able to use these following files. You will need to transfer the .D64/.PRG images to a real Commodore 64 using an XE1541 cable with Star Commander (you can also use XM1541-cable with Starcommander and with userport driver under XP too Wink ) Alternatively, you can download one of those three highly recommended C64 emulators.


CCS64
VICE
HOX's 64



Program
Credits & information Title Screen:
Anger
Just a perfect start to this section of the crap games page. Back in 1991, I was toying around a little with the Shoot Em Up Construction Kit and a few years back, I have been lucky enough to find some old games of mine on some tapes back in the days.

Probably in 1991, I wondered to myself if it was possible to do a kind of breakout style game, using the Shoot Em Up Construction Kit. Unfortunately, the game did not turn out as is was meant to have been. It was most definitely complete and utterly a load of pants. Whoever thought that breakout is possible with SEUCK must think again. Maybe possible with SEUCK Redux though, but what's the point with this game?

You play a paddle, which shoots a ball at the walls moving towards you. You only get one life, but if you get enough bricks, an extra life is awarded. Sadly this game is virtually impossible to play.

Music added to front end is by Babyface/Clique



Ants at War
Another SEUCK back in 1991, salvaged from an old tape a few years back. It's another game with no meaning to it. In general it is something very pointless indeed.

You play an ant, that has to spit poisonous saliva at the enemy ants, but you have to watch out. They all fight back. To cause trouble. The game is never-ending until the last life has been lost. This game contains a load of bugs - honest :o)

Title music by Harmony Productions


Advanced Swimming Simulator
This is a joke entry for the 2004 Crap Game compo. Where you are swimming the Atlantic Ocean, and must try and get to the island. The only trouble is, you can easily get lost. You have a very long distance to travel and swim to the shore. If you run out of time, game is over. Actually think reality? It is impossible to swim across the whole Atlantic Ocean don't you think?

Booze Cruise

Written using Mastertronic's games creator, with some additional code and stuff, done by erm, me of course. This game is that bad to play, you just wonder to yourself why the hell did I create something daft and really stupid like this.

The instructions for this game are on the title screen scroll text, so I need not give instructions out for this.

Chameleon Pen
A funny game I wrote for the 2004 Crap Games Compo. The idea of this game is to search around the dark room for a pen. Your torch's battery wont last long, so it is up to you to find the pen before the light on the torch runs out.
Dating Game
Experience a dating agency that has totally lost the plot, for when it comes to finding a suitable date for someone. This barmy program reveals all. Playing this game is very easy. All you have to do is answer questions in the program, and then the C64 will come up with a perfect date for you. If they can that is :oD
Dots
A simple little game, which I coded way back in 2001 for the Official Crap Game compo. This is simple coding, which I though was hilarious to create for the good old C64. The idea of this game was to dodge those dots from the deadly dots. There were plenty of surprises involved in this game, which I wont tell you about. Just play the game and see what happens there.
Galactic Man
Yet another old crap game, just about salvaged and repaired from an old tape. It was written in 1992 this time round. You are Galactic Man, who is on a mission (Which is to survive in a really crap SEUCK game) which is to go up the space mountain/terrain and shoot those badly deformed alien creatures (or something like that) and show them who is boss.
Hell in Space


Once again, this game was produced using Mastertronic's games creator with some additional code & stuff, featuring hard-core techno music in the title. Although I claim that this game is essentially fake crappy stuff, this title actually had a good score in GameOver(view), which surprised me really. You'll probably find this piece of rubbish hilarious to play, just like Booze Cruise. Instructions are on the title screen.
Hide and Seek
Hide and Seek is not what you think it is. You don't count to 10 and then find your friend this time. Instead, this game is probably one of the worst puzzle games to have graced the Commodore 64. The aim of this game is to enter a number between 1 and 9 and try to uncover two smiley faces. If you uncover the right square, you will win. But if you uncover the wrong squares 3 times, you will lose.
Lame Shot
Yes, that was ME behind the zany entry for the Crap Game Compo 2005. This was coded for fun, and is that bad to play, but good for a laugh. This game is mockery from the Blood series by Arts of Darkness. Music in this game is composed by Taxim, a former member Civitas, before I come along.
Mega Linez
This was my first ever entry for the 2004 Crap Games compo, run by Rasmus Neilsson. The original idea of this game had come from my brother, Philip. This is a mockery of Tetris. Quite funny to watch. It is not all that playable, but should make you laugh.
Power Gate (Unfinished)
This is a game I originally wrote for the 2003 mini game compo. Unfortunately this is a very bad game, so I decided not to submit this for the compo and scrapped it completely. The idea of the game is to shoot at aliens as they fly across the screen, and your player continuously moves up and down.
Power Surge
A game, which I was too late for the 2001 Crap Game Compo, but I share this with you all. This was programmed in hardcore assembly language. The aim of the game is to guide your orb around the flashing maze and reach the exit before time runs out. If the player touches the flashing maze, it goes back to the start again. Tough, but possible to play - oh and crap as well. Well, it was meant to be crap anyway!
Unprofessional Fly Into Space and Shoot 'Em to Pieces Simulator

It goes to show that when you write a SEUCK game in less than half an hour, you're bound to end up with something like this absolutely dreadful game.
Russian Toilette
After taking a trip on holiday to Weymouth in 2003, I come across a mad shop that were selling joke tea bags, which had laxatives. So roughly a year later, I come up with a daft idea to make a joke game called Russian Toilette. This is not all that playable but made me laugh when I created it. The idea of this game is to press '1' or '2' to select the mug of tea. One tea bag consists of normal tea, while the other has laxative powder with the tea. It is your job to chose the correct tea bag and see the outcome - then play the game :o))
Smash Da Glazz
This is a joke game I wrote on a fake label (Da Laxatives). This is rumoured to be the best game ever for the C64. Well, not really. It is crap, but quite funny as well. The idea of the game is to try and stop your brick from smashing the glass, so you get some more points. However, if you are too late, you lose. Hmm, maybe I should polish this game for this year's Official C64 Crap Games Compo :o)
Space Invadarz on Vacation
This was yet another joke entry I created for the 2001 crap games compo. After the inspiration of the classic Space Invaders game. I thought that I should do a kind of mockery of this game. You have the usual title screen in the game, but with really annoying music. Pressing fire will take you to the game, where you see the player ship at the bottom of the screen. But where are the invaders? Well, they have gone on holiday of course. :o))
Space Invadeduhs
This was my early game in the early 1990s.  It was an attempt at making a Space Invaders style game, using SEUCK. I wanted to see if this was possible. Well, if you judge by the picture. You will find that it did not turn out all that good in any kind of way. It also makes me ask, why is the score at the bottom blue, and everything else is green? Send your answers on a postcard. :o)

Oh, by the way, if you are really looking forward to playing this game, then be prepared for an incredible experience of major disappointment, because this game is even worse than a badly cooked dinner.
Squarez
This was an entry I wrote for the 2005 crap games compo. This is the sequel to dots, but this time it involves shooting. Actually, this seems to be too good to be considered as real crap. I'll let you judge it for yourself.
XXX X-treme Zorbing Simulator
This is a game I wrote for the 2006 crap games compo. Actually this game is probably too good to be considered as crap. However, I deliberately coded this game badly, to try and get a good score for the crapness of this production.

CRAPCADE RELEASES
About Crapcade.
Crapcade is a label for remakes of programs from the Cascade 50 games cassette. Where we show better quality, and fun side of those crappy classics originally on the cassette. Crapcade is owned by Richard/TND and Mark Watkin. We have formed this silly software label, only for fun, and Crapcade Games releases will be added to the bottom section on this page :o)) It all started with Sitting Target Reloaded
Crap, but we make it in a fun way!
Sitting Target - Reloaded


A co-op crap game production which I wrote for the 2006 Crap Game compo. The idea originally came from the Cascade 50 Cassette game called Sitting Target, which unfortunately was *that* bad. So now, with thanks to myself (code and very annoying ear aching music) and Mark Watkin, we both pay tribute to such a crap game - and make it even sillier than before, ready to make you laugh.

The instructions are on the title screen, just let you elephant on the loose and start fighting the computer's opponent by spirting water at him.

There are 2 versions on this dusk. A normal playable version, and the official Crap version, which was entered for the 2006 CGC. May you trumpet with joy. :o)